Unsubscribe To 'Cuffing Season' and Embrace Your Singleness This Season
I have unsubscribed to many warped ideas, toxic perspectives, and harmful habits this year.
So far, I’ve canceled my subscriptions to toxic hustle culture, people-pleasing, negative self-talk, and self-neglect. These cancellations were not only necessary and saved me tons of energy, but they also positively contributed to my well-being.
This month, with autumn’s arrival, I’ve come up with another mental subscription to cancel:
The pressures of securing a romantic relationship during the colder season —- aka cuffing season.
For those who aren’t familiar with this semi-seasoned term, cuffing season (according to Urban Dictionary) refers to a specific season where “...during the fall and winter months, people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “cuffed” or “tied down” by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity cause singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed…” (Urban Dictionary, 2011).
As much as I hate to admit this — I’ve constantly fallen into the pressures of cuffing season over the years.
Every year, I’d go through the same cycle: I’d be living my best life and happily enjoying my singlehood during the warmer seasons but, once the temperature drops and leaves begin to fall, feelings of loneliness begin to creep in.
Social media didn’t help either. During this time around, all online feeds are saturated with nothing with #relationshipgoals photos, “look at what bae got me!” surprise gift reels, and spoiled girlfriend-era content.
It didn’t take long until the cuffing season craze swept me off my feet and, suddenly, I was re-downloading Hinge (for the 15-millionth time!) and daydreaming about entering my own relationship.
Don’t get me wrong: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with desiring a romantic relationship. Desire is not the problem.
It only became an issue when, in the midst of dating, I would subconsciously equate my self-worth to my relationship status and remain in situations that didn’t align with my relationship needs for the sake of having someone during the colder months.
Once I’d begun to dive inward and reflect upon my dating patterns, I finally noticed how detrimental and harmful this cycle was to my inner peace.
I’d realized that, regardless of what cuffing season, social media and society’s standards have proclaimed: I don’t have to secure a romantic relationship in order to feel “loved” or “happy” this season.
Singleness doesn’t have to be lonely. It doesn’t have to be daunting when you are constantly wishing and putting your life on pause until you are romantically involved with someone. You can experience sweet love, happiness, and joy, right now, regardless of your current relationship status.
This time around, I’d decided that enough is enough and it’s time to break this toxic cycle, once and for all.
Here are 4 ways I plan on unsubscribing to the pressures of securing a romantic relationship and happily embracing my singleness:
Taking myself on solo dates: Because why wait until someone comes along to do all the cute, fun dates when I can do them right now? I’ve been taking myself on dates for a while, but I want to be more consistent. Whenever I’d (intentionally) carve out fun, creative activities to do, it would leave me in a really good mood. It keeps me grounded in the present moment and excited to be in my own company. In order to keep myself more consistent, I tend to create monthly solo-dating bucket lists and schedule them into my calendar.
Seek new hobbies: I used to have plenty of hobbies when I was a child. During my free time, I would get lost in books, ride my bike, daydream, and bring my imagination to life by writing fantasy stories. However, as I began navigating through life, I’d begun to have less time to explore my interests. Starting this month, I’ve decided to start taking more time to explore a new hobby (or two!) every season to spice things up! This season, I’d chosen two: pole dancing and blogging. So so excited!
Learn new skills: Similar to my previous point, I haven’t carved out any time to learn new skills outside of resharpening the expertise I’d already mastered. It’s time to switch things up and try something I’m completely unfamiliar with. This month, I decided to sign up for a makeup class and learn how to beat my face. I’m sooo excited!
Spend more time with family and friends: Sometimes, we can get so caught up in romantic relationships that we forget to (also) focus on our platonic and familial relationships. This season, I’m making a conscious effort to spend lots of time with my loved ones!
If you’re single and reading this, I challenge us to, instead of dwelling on what we don’t have (i.e. a relationship), focus on taking this time to fall in love with ourselves!
Cheers to (another) single girl season — just happier!