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Maybe it’s a former friend, an ex-lover, or your grandma who keeps sending Bible quotes on Facebook…
Either way, you’ve made the decision to set a digital boundary.
Blocking someone online can be an empowering form of self-care. It can also be difficult. When it comes to romantic partners, cutting them off is like trying to detox from a drug. It’s easy to get sucked back in.
You could be going about your life when suddenly that person pops up on your friend’s Instagram. Or worse– they appear in your new class, or at your favorite grocery store.
When blocking isn’t enough, what else can you do to maintain your peace?
Friends’ Posts
I remember seeing a post on Instagram of my former best friend and her new girlfriend at a sorority formal.
I felt a jolt in my stomach. I must’ve forgotten to unfollow one of her friends, and as a result, a wave of emotional pain overtook me.
I find it helpful to unfollow or mute people to whom the person is closest. Mutual friends are where it gets tricky. Use your best judgment.
Venmo
Venmo tends to slide right under the radar.
Imagine you’re paying rent and you catch a glimpse of your ex sending some chick named Katie the sushi emoji. Day=ruined.
Your toxic friend could also send you one cent just so they can say something petty.
Not to mention, it’s tempting to scroll through that person’s Venmo feed and decode the emojis like hieroglyphics, to see what they’re up to.
This contact is unnecessary pain and a recipe for disaster. If you‘re not financially tied to the person, delete them from Venmo.
And if you happen to be the one keeping the secrets, or if you’re hiding from a crazy ex, make sure to keep your transactions private so that your day-to-day interactions are hidden from unwanted eyes.
Podcasts
Podcasts are an absolute nightmare when you’re trying to erase someone from your memory.
They’re like Pandora’s box, full of painful information. You could hear about the new person they're hooking up with, or hear them talking about you. It’s amazing what people will say when they don’t think anyone, aside from their 6 subscribers, is listening.
It’s so tempting to listen to their podcast when you’re bored in traffic and need an adrenaline fix. But trust me, spare yourself the pain and the road rage, and unsubscribe/ hide that podcast from your YouTube, Spotify, or other platforms.
If you see their thumbnail pop up on YouTube, click on the video’s menu and let YouTube know you’re not interested in seeing this content. The algorithms are smart enough to get the picture (most of the time).
Group Chats
Group chats are a tricky situation. If it’s for school or work, you really can’t leave the chat. Instagram will notify you that a person you’ve blocked is in a group, but you still have access.
The best you can do, if you can’t leave, is mute the chat or avoid engaging with anything they post.
Mutual Friends
Mutual friends are tough when you’re trying to forget someone exists. The urge to ask your friends about the person can be so intense. Sometimes it feels like torture to not bring them up; it can eat away at you.
However, using your mutual friends to gather information about your foe is a bad idea. It will hurt your friendships, and we need our friends to survive. Avoid conversations about the person blocked, and if the conversation is going in a direction that makes you uncomfortable, prepare ways of changing the subject in a comical way to lighten the mood and change gears. If that’s too much pressure to handle at the moment, just be honest. Your friends should respect the boundaries of what you do and do not feel comfortable with.
Your friend: “Hey did you see what (your ex) posted about that girl he’s been hanging around with?”
You: “Nope! And you know what? I love that for me.”
Seeing Them in Public
You can block someone from your phone but unfortunately, you can’t block them from society. you’re most likely going to run into them, or at the very least, something that reminds you of them.
As a comedian, I made the mistake of dating another comedian. It’s like dating a coworker minus the paycheck. Now we have to see each other almost every day and sometimes perform back-to-back. It sucks!
Definitely avoid initiating conversation with the person you blocked. You’re not keeping tabs on them online, so no need to do so in real life.
I recommend giving yourself whatever amount of distance you can. If you’re both attending the same event, sit on opposite sides of the room, and if you also happen to be a comic like me, don’t do material about them while they’re in the room, or it’ll get ugly, FAST!
It’ll feel like a magnet is pulling you towards them, but try to breathe and remind yourself why you’re there. This person has ruined enough for you- don’t let them ruin another moment if you can help it.
Cutting ties is bittersweet, and in the digital age, it’s so easy to get pulled back in. Besides blocking them, you can try muting their closest friends, deleting them from Venmo, unsubscribing from their podcast, and not making them a conversation topic.
Be proud of yourself for setting boundaries, staying strong, and moving forward.
What are your life-saving hacks for cutting someone toxic out of your life? Share in the comments below.