This is how I do it.
“Where your mind goes, your body goes”
My childbirth instructor said these words to us when I was six months pregnant. As first time parents, my husband and I were sitting in a room with other first timers, taking notes for the moment our child would make her way into earth. Eight years later, these words resurfaced in my mind as I began to write this piece. It’s still true outside of the mind altering, body deforming, tragically beautiful experience that is childbirth (and if that statement scared you…I’m sorry but you need to know the truth.)
A few weeks ago, I went to the urgent care with a pain in my ear that had lasted a few days longer than I was comfortable with. As a mom, millennial, and hater of hospitals, I will take aleve for days to relieve pain in hopes that it will just go away on its own. When that didn’t happen, I gave in and went to the urgent care.
I met with a (really nice) doctor there who after checking my ears, told me they looked completely normal but that he wanted to check one more thing. Turns out, I had what’s called TMJ. An inflammation of the jaw that occurs when a person grinds their teeth at night or holds tension in their jaw for too long. He asked me a very important question after checking my mandible, “Have you been stressed lately?”
I laughed a little because truly, between work, tensions at home, and the general state of the world right now, the word stressed was an understatement. I gave him a resounding yes and he sent me home with meds and instructions to treat my pain.
It’s no secret what stress can do to the body. Whenever I’m under immense stress, my body reacts with an illness or physical implication - like when I have canker sore outbreaks, or the time I had shingles (which the urgent care doctor found very strange since it’s an uncommon disease for a thirty year old). These illnesses can be caused by other deficiencies in our bodies but I have noticed that when I am very stressed and overwhelmed, my body reacts.
Stress is basically an excessive state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. It’s a very natural human response that can prompt us to address challenges and threats in our lives. Everyone experiences stress to some degree but it’s in how we address it that determines how it affects us.
As soon as I left urgent care that day, I went to Piedmont Park to sit outside and work on my laptop. I needed to feel free and to feel the sun on my skin. The breeze, the warmth, and the people watching all fed my soul and calmed me down.
After sharing my urgent care experience with my therapist, she said to me “there will always be stressors, the key is how you manage it.” While the goal is to eliminate stress, the key is to understand howto work through it and limit the effects of stress on your mind, body, and soul. Understanding that stressors are normal, made me feel less like a failure and made space for solutions.
That entire week, I moved my focus from being worried about circumstances to focusing on ways to be happy and free. I took breaks in my workday to watch television, I spent time dancing to my favorite songs, and I reminded myself every chance I could that nothing was worth stressing about. The pain from TMJ had done its job.
Now, my mission is to build a life around things that make me feel happy, free, and calm. This is what has helped me so far:
Affirmations.
Affirmations and mental exercises help you change the narrative you tell yourself. Instead of everything sucks and I’m failing - I tell myself, “everything has a season and I can make it through this.” Instead of “I can’t do this” I tell myself “I’m strong enough to get through this.” Filling my mind with affirming statements keeps me from drowning in negative mantras.
Prepare as much as possible.
This week and next, my husband will be out of town leaving me to mom and run the household alone while working full time and attempting to maintain my self care practices. In preparation, we called friends and family and our babysitter to fill in the gaps where I may need help. I’m also cooking a few meals on Sundays to prepare for the week ahead and restructuring my gym workouts to be done while the kids are in school as opposed to early in the morning.
Take breaks & Find ease
During busy work weeks, I’ve been taking more breaks in my day and finding ways to experience ease. Whether that’s ordering out instead of cooking or setting a timer to close my laptop for twenty minutes, I’m caring a little less about “doing work” and a lot more about “being free”.
Are there any stressors you can identify in your life? Do you have ways of managing them? Can you take five minutes right now and choose ONE thing that will help you release stress or find happiness this week? Let us know in the comments!